You know that feeling when you’re so excited about your husband coming home from the hospital after his stem cell transplant, but when it actually happens you are worried about all the new things YOU need to think about like his meds, eating, drinking, maintaining electrolytes, germs, bloodcounts and GVHD, and you also know that if your fear shows, it will make him worry more which will not be good for him?
You know the feeling of incompetence and total exhaustion that descends on you because you can’t imagine being a 24/7 caregiver, but you are so happy you ARE his caregiver, and he’s home where you can take care of him??
The one that keeps you from sleeping and then makes you grumpy to be back at the hospital at 6:30 am even after you’ve had a large Starbucks’ coffee?? That feeling where you feel super guilty that you just want to climb back in bed and sleep for a couple of days?? The one that is SO, SO thankful for what you have and so overwhelmed at the same time???
Yep, THAT’S the one I’m talking about!!!
Yes, we got to come home from the hospital yesterday! It was great to be home, but then this fear descended on both of us. I know it will pass when we get used to our new, “new normal”; however, that doesn’t make it any less scary right now.
We arrived home about 8 pm; it is now 8 am, and he has given his blood and is starting a bag of magnesium and potassium. An APN and a pharmacist will come by at some point after the bloodwork results are back to update us and let us know if there are any medication changes. We will be back tomorrow same time, same place.