Yes, it’s been pouring rain since early this morning. Yes, it does remind me a little of Harvey, and that’s kind of scary even though rational thought tells me that this is different. I took Max next door to my dad’s this morning like I always do, and I haven’t been able to bring him back “home” because it is so flooded in front of the RV that I have to wear rain boots to get here! I am worried now that if it doesn’t stop raining soon, the water will be over the top of my boots. I should have gotten some taller boots!! It’s not like they don’t have those around here (lots of farmers and duck hunters). I don’t want to traumatize Max or have an RV that smells like a soaked dog, so he’s spending the night at Daddy’s. I haven’t spent a night without him since the last night I spent in the hospital with B before he died. Being without Max makes me a little extra sad tonight. I could go back over and spend the night in the house, but I don’t really want to do that either, so I’m writing instead.
It’s December 22 (ok, now it’s the 23rd), and Christmas is upon us. I spent this afternoon cleaning up my tiny house and listening to Christmas music. Music is such a minefield for me these days. On one hand, it is soothing and makes me happy; however, on the other hand, there is always the danger of a familiar song (or even one that I’ve never heard before) causing me to burst into tears. But, of course, MANY things are minefields for me right now, so I continue to listen just as I continue to do numerous other activities that can often leave me in tears or forgetting to breathe or unconsciously clenching my teeth.
I adore Christmas music despite the fact that this year, it reminds me way too much of either my mom, my husband, or others that are not here with me. Today, one of the many songs that got me was Alabama’s “Angels Among Us”. Such a sweet pretty song. It means a lot to me because B told me that he believed I was an angel sent to him (Ok, that is sappy I know, but I do believe that we were sent to each other, and sappy is really great to have sometimes!). Anyway, the words of that song reminded me of the hundreds, if not more, angels that I believe have come into my life along my journey, especially lately.
The first angels to come along were my parents who adopted me, and what on earth would I have ever done without them??? Adoption is an amazing wonderful thing, and I can’t say enough about anyone who opens their home and heart with unconditional love to a child no matter the age. They must truly be angels.
I could just keep naming names of people that have touched my life for good and helped me along the way, but I won’t because it would take me ….. um, forever, and I can’t even remember them all! I do want to mention a few of the ones that popped into my mind as I listened to this song. Not surprisingly, these angels are those that have somehow come into or crossed my path again this year.
I guess the song really “got” me with the words, “They wear so many faces, show up in the strangest places—To grace us with their mercy, in our time of need.” So MANY faces…..when I think of all those who I didn’t know who helped me in Houston….. In particular, my old college used to be just acquaintance, who is now a dear friend. She helped me out in so many ways. It didn’t matter the problem, I could call or text, and she would figure out an amazing solution within minutes. Then there’s our neighbors. How often in this world do we get neighbors that we don’t even take the time to know at all even after being neighbors for years? How amazing is it that though we only lived there 8 months, we had neighbors who would do anything for us and DID??? I think angels.
“Show up in the STRANGEST places”…. there are those that came into my life or those I left behind that I was able to stay in touch with through social media. I can’t possibly name everyone, but it seems that often at just the right time, I would get the PERFECT message from someone, often from someone that I hadn’t heard from in a long time. I can think of many times when a text or message helped me immensely. Some might consider these communications random, but I prefer to believe that they were sent to save me from drowning.
I think of the multitudes who have touched my life since I’ve been back in Arkansas. From biscuit and gravy drive by drop offs to friend and family gatherings where I feel most privileged to even be invited, from impromptu drinks (whether Sweet Bay, Fridays, or the Captiol) to the best lakeview or perfect room and quiet conversation, you are all angels to me. The non-judgmental part of these invitations is so important to me too. Those that understand if I don’t go or just am not up for it is as essential as the fun that I have when I do attend. It’s crazy to me how being with a group can make me feel even lonelier than being alone, but at the same time, I can enjoy it. I’m all messed up, but the angels keep showing up. Maybe that’s WHY they keep showing up…..”in our time of need.”
“But ain’t it kind of funny, at the dark end of the road—That someone lights the way, with just a single ray of hope.” Hope is the one thing that we can’t live without. It’s the one thing that can save us from total darkness. And bringing hope is something that angels do best. Plus, don’t you know? “Hope is the thing with feathers”……ANGELS. At this time of year in particular, I pray that we all recognize the angels. Speaking from experience, they are there.
