I’m sitting on the edge of a kayak in South Florida. It’s hot, but I love hot as long as I’m near the ocean. We’ve paddled back among the mangroves. My son is fishing. I’ve been taking pics, looking at hermit crabs, and enjoying the views. Kayaking is awesome, but I do prefer being beach side.

I just spent a week with my bonus daughter and her family on St George Island, and now I’m here on the Atlantic side of Florida for a few days with my son.

Max and I have driven many miles together, and we have many more to go. He is a great traveling companion.

I am in love with the beach and ocean more than ever. If you understand this love, then I know you are a kindred spirit. If you aren’t a “beach” person, I probably won’t “get” you and you won’t “get” me in this setting. That’s okay; it takes all of us to make the world go around!

This trip has been both lovely and difficult at the same time. I miss my husband/favorite traveling companion/best friend more than I could have ever imagined. In my new small town home, I can sometimes forget how much I miss him; however, beaches, swimming in the ocean, and traveling make it very difficult to be without him. It’s as if the more beautiful the place and the more joy I experience in my day, the more I miss him because I want to share it with him.

Our first beach trip was a long weekend to Myrtle Beach/Surfside. It was a trip where we both realized that we might be perfect for each other. He picked me up at the airport in Charlotte, NC. The flight was delayed, we had a flat tire in the middle of nowhere, we had a slight (major) mixup in accommodations (at midnight), and neither of us was upset. We laughed and had a great time despite our tribulations. Later, we both agreed that the positive attitude of the other, despite the problems, contributed to the growth in our relationship.

I digress; back to present day. I have learned that I absolutely enjoy traveling alone (or with Max), IF (and obviously this is my new reality) B. isn’t available. I love the beauty of the world; I love taking the slow but scenic route. I like making my own rules which include stopping anytime I want to or Max wants to because we see something beautiful or photo worthy. I love the ocean as much as I thought, maybe even more than I realized.

Life is bittersweet. That word describes it perfectly. I find myself smiling but simultaneously wanting to cry. I want to live my life to the fullest, but I also want to crawl under the covers and cry. Kayaking with my son is amazing, but I still wish B was here too. He would love it!!

No one else “gets” me like my husband did. It’s too tiresome to even think about starting over. I’m weird. I like people, but then I don’t. It’s hard to explain, but my B got it. He understood that I was an extroverted introvert. I think Max understands, so that’s why we get along.

I’m rambling again, as usual, so I’m going to stop for now and try to get Evan to paddle back. That’s the key I think….figuring out how to paddle back.